Melancholy Intellections

"If Christians cannot communicate as thinking beings, they are reduced to encountering one another only at the shallow level of gossip and small talk. Hence the peculiarly modern problem - the loneliness of the thinking Christian." Harry Blamires, The Christian Mind

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Location: Nashville, Tennessee, United States

Full-time graphic designer. Wedding enthusiast. Occasional catering assistant. Newlywed. Half-marathoner. Food Network junky. Food, home, bride & style magazine fanatic.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

The Fighting Temptations

"A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is.… A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means—the only complete realist."
C.S. Lewis - Mere Christianity

Monday, September 26, 2005

The Real Me

Ok, I know my quoting John Piper might seem somewhat obsessive at this point but God is really using his insights and writings in my life right now. Last night, after writing in my blog, I came across an article Piper wrote. It made my blood run cold! It scared me so much that I called my sister at midnight to tell her what Satan was trying to accuse me of and the lies he was whispering in my ear. I had to talk to someone because I was so tortured. It was definately spiritual warfare. It was one of those meeting of the heart and mind moments that I referred to in my last entry. I was overwhelmingly aware of my sinfulness and my living on the verge of blasphemy. I got an up close and personal look at the horror of sin and it's unbelievable power to suffocate even the "strongest" of Christians. I thought I was in control but I'm a slave to whomever I obey. "What then, Shall we sin because we are not under the law but under grace? By no means! Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one who you obey - whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience which leads to righteousness?" Romans 6:6
The following is the part of what I read from Piper's writing that moved me so much. I could summarize but don't want to risk taking away the impact of his words. I share it with the hope that it moves you as well- either to your knees in repentance or in thanksgiving that you have been delivered from the hold that sin once had on you.
"The unforgivable sin of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is an act of resistance which belittles the Holy Spirit so grievously that he withdraws for ever with his convicting power so that we are never able to repent and be forgiven.
Our final question is: How should we live in view of this possibility? The fact that there is an unforgivable sin—that there comes a point in a life of sin after which the Holy Spirit will no longer grant repentance—that fact should drive us from sin with fear and trembling. None of us knows when our toying with sin will pass over into irrevocable hardness of heart. Very few people feel how serious sin is. Very few people are on the same wavelength with Jesus when he said in Mark 9:43, "If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off; it is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go to hell, to the unquenchable fire." Instead, many professing Christians today have such a sentimental view of God's justice that they never feel terror and horror at the thought of being utterly forsaken by God because of their persistence in sin. They have the naive notion that God's patience has no end and that they can always return from any length and depth of sin, forgetting that there is a point of resistance which belittles the Holy Spirit so grievously that he withdraws forever with his convicting power leaving them never able to repent and be forgiven.
They are like the buzzard who spots a carcass on a piece of ice floating in the river. He lands and begins to eat. He knows it is dangerous because the falls are just ahead. But he looks at his wings and says to himself, "I can fly to safety in an instant." And he goes on eating. Just before the ice goes over the falls he spreads his wings to fly but his claws are frozen in the ice and there is no escape—neither in this age nor the age to come. The Spirit of holiness has forsaken the arrogant sinner forever.
You have heard the warning. Now hear the offer of grace. "All sins will be forgiven the sons of men and whatever blasphemies they utter." I urge you in the name of Christ: if by God's grace you can repent today of you sin, do it now, because you may not be able to tomorrow."

Sunday, September 25, 2005

I Wanna Live Again

I'm frustrated with myself. I'm supposed to be working on a job that is due tomorrow but decided that I've got to work some thoughts out in writing in order to move on to the more "urgent" stuff. This is just my way of being most productive. Or maybe it's just a lousy excuse for my inability to multi-task. I don't know.
There are some things about the Christian life that are just not making sense to me right now. It's not that I'm losing faith- "...But once the soul has truly tasted the water of life and the bread of heaven, it will never finally forsake the Lord." (John Piper)-I'm just learning to appreciate it. No, "appreciate" is too weak. I'm learning to guard and savor it with a passion.
I'm not lost. I'm just wandering. Sometimes I think that being lost would be - I guess I shouldn't say better because that would sound blasphemous - but it would be more definitive at least. I can't say I'm lost but I surely don't feel like I'm found. At the same time, I only have myself to blame for my "lostness". I'm standing here with my hands over my eyes begging God to reveal Himself to me. And I have the audacity to get frustrated and say "God, I can't see you."
I know we aren't supposed to always go by our feelings- "The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, who can know it?"- but there's something to be said about your heart and head connecting. Feeling what you're thinking. I get tired of just thinking the right things. I want to feel it. John Piper says, "Loving Jesus, not just 'deciding' for him or 'being committed to him' or affirming all the right doctrines about him, is the mark of a true child of God." Loving someone involves feelings and emotions.
This might not sound like it relates but I've noticed that I don't cry much anymore and I don't like it. I seem so unaffected by things that are happening in my life. I've become desensitized. I've closed myself off from feeling anything great. Or feeling anything bad for that matter. Perhaps that's why I was drawn to John Piper's book "When I Don't Desire God - How to Fight for Joy". I want to live again. I'm just wondering how. I had a moment of seeing and experiencing God in a very vivid way about 5 years ago. It was a mountaintop experience but, ironically, during the most tragic and traumatic experience of my life (More on this later). Ever since then I have been trying to get back to that point. And so I sit here like George Bailey in "It's a Wonderful Life" on the verge of his breakthrough crying "I want to live again!...please, let me live again." I Peter 1:3-9.

Friday, September 23, 2005

We Are Far Too Easily Pleased

I'm slowly reading through John Piper's "When I Don't Desire God - How to Fight for Joy" for the second time in the last couple months. The points he makes are something I really want to get my arms around. He states "Fighting against all alien joy shows that we know the infinite worth of God." I guess it goes back to the concept of what you really have to work hard to get or earn is what you really end up taking pride in and displaying with a sense of satisfaction.
When it comes to the Christian life we are very low maintenance. We are to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. I guess the tendency is to think that if it takes work than it takes the appeal away. It is somehow less genuine or at least less romantic. We need to re-adjust our thinking. I don't think the "working out our salvation" is so much an offensive action as much as a defensive. We need to guard and protect it. As Piper puts so clearly, "Maintaining joy in God takes 'work'; that is, it's a fight against every impulse for alien joys and every obstacle in the way to seeing and savoring Christ." 2 Corinthians 4:4 says, "The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God." The sad reality of it all is that this happens to believers as well. But I'm convinced they'll be back. "Oh Love, that will not let me go..."

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Fall Creek Falls

This evening, I returned home from a two day retreat at Fall Creek Falls State Park. The retreat was what I needed to clear my mind. I feel refreshed and invigorated. (And I know it's not just because of all the prescription drugs I'm taking at the moment.) It was just a day and a half away from home but it was enough to break the seemingly endless routine and enjoy one of the many natural beauties of Tennessee.
I went hiking for the first time (I know, I've lived a sheltered life). My previous "hiking" experience consists of walking down a well-worn trail in the woods somewhere. I'm sure the highest I lifted my legs was a couple inches just to step over an ugly bug or a fallen tree branch. At Fall Creek Falls, I took the challenge of manuevering through the rocky terrain to get to the bottom of the falls. The physical exertion was worth it! It was like finding the end of the rainbow. What a jewel it was. The falls were much quieter than others that I have been to, such as Niagara Falls. It didn't overwhelm me and warn me to keep my distance but it lured me into getting a little closer and then convinced me to sit down and stay awhile.
As I sit here writing, verses are coming to mind that relate to the experience and feelings I felt today as I sat on the boulder - looking up as the water gracefully danced it's way down to the puddled water at the bottom - 256 feet below. This never ending flow of water is there for me to enjoy and it would've been a crime not to stop and marvel at its greatness.
The verse that comes to mind is Isaiah 30:15 "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength...Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice, Blessed are those who wait for him!" Waiting and resting are not in my blood. I like to have instant gratification. But I'm learning the value of waiting for God....The results are much more satisfying and long-lasting.
I opened my Bible to this passage and read down further to find another great verse that has always seemed so cool to me. Isaiah 30:21 "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it."
On the car ride home, someone asked "Can you imagine finding those falls?" It would've definitely made the trek worth it.
What wonderful places and times of retreat God has provided for us and offers us daily. If only we could understand the worth of it. If only we would allot times of retreat. The things He has to show us!